Delirious Joy

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Recently, I've been thinking... do we change what we believe or does our belief just change us over the time?

When I was little, all I ever care was whether Barbie's hair needs a brush. When I grew older, I realized academic results are important and friends begin to play an important role. As I grew even older, not only does the school expect me to attend remedial lessons, I have to go for tuition and at the same time, deal with problems regarding friends, parents, siblings and what's not?

Haven't you realized that there are simply TOO MUCH issues we have to take care of? What's with responsibility? What about my faith? Why do I have to listen to your fuck shit preaching as if some bloody asshole cares? I don't see why I owe you a reason that I'm screaming and crying, laughing and shouting. That's my usual idiosyncratic style and if you can't love me for that, I suggest you'd fuck off.

But what exactly do we believe in when we all were little? Was it that fairytale we heard that the evil will eventually be struck by lightning or died some tragic death, which we can still remember vividly? What about now? Do we really choose to believe in something or was it the bad experiences that you're finally learning your lesson?

Well, you see what I mean; we can't equate what we believe then to what we believe now. No, it's not because we were young and innocent then but we've seen too much of jealousy, hatred and frustration, too little of love, care and patience now. Sometimes, just sometimes, I hope I don't have to grow up!

Alright, aside from the recent crazy thoughts and some emo shit, there's so much going on in life. It revolves around Major Project, internship and work and I don't think I have the energy to string my jumbled thoughts altogether at this moment. Holy cow, it's almost 1AM and only Thursday. Why is Friday always taking so long to come?

With love at 1:10 AM,
Joan