Delirious Joy

Monday, June 12, 2006

I hate myself when I'm feeling lousy. I'm telling you, it sucks this much!

I wouldn't say it started off with the soccer match between Holland and Serbia & Montenegro but it happened during the match. Definitely not the World Cup fever to be blamed but some people are just so insensitive. To such extent I just feel like hurling the F word at him.

Ok, this friend talked to me in MSN and somehow, the subject was on World Cup (and I guess partly it's because of my MSN nick). What's so nice about watching 22 guys chasing after a ball? Yeah, I totally have no idea but you can go to a coffee shop with TV near your house and throw the question at those watching WC, I'll not stop you.

Apparently, he's not a soccer-guy and I'm really fine with it. I'll cheer for the match and you'll drink from your milk bottle but you know what? He went on to criticize about my nail colors. I DO NOT need people to tell me what I should do, when I should sleep, what suits me and which channels to watch.

He didn't just say my nail color was ugly, he said it was disgusting. Thank you for your feedback but I live for myself. Won't it be boring if my world is just black and white? Yes, he said I suit black or white better. What control freak! Just because you like black and white, doesn't mean I have to paint it with either black or white. Whatever is with "I'll step on your feet if your nail colors are maroon" nonsense?

You fucking moron, what gentleman! Open your eyes to see the world. It's so pathetic to refrain yourself from seeing other colors. And... don't speak to me about your stupid ex-es and their betrayals and wrong-doings. What are you trying to show? That you're not the one who betrayed the whole damn child play-like relationship? That you're a person worthy of my trust? Over my dead body, kid.

It is really funny how you draw a line between, let's say 2 children and then proceed to smudge the line so that no one knows exactly where the line is. Isn't that self-contradicting? Oh, you like her a lot? You're a gay now?

Gay, my ass!

Your love declaration is that you love her forever? How long will your forever be? Are the units in seconds, days, weeks or months? Are those units you're using universal? Do your 1 day means forever instead of the universal standard of 24 hours? Well, we'll wait and see...

Gee, this sounds pathetic but there are just people out there, expecting you to do certain things. I don't have 48 hours a day and I don't see why I have to go according to your mood when I have mine to take care of. Neither do I have 2 pairs of hands; surely I don't have to go to your every command, yes?

I don't need someone to figure out my life and remind me what a fool I've made myself in the past. Joan, help me with this stupid geocities. Joan, take over the game for awhile (and if my memory didn't fail me, that person fell asleep). Joan, I really need your help. Please get this report thoroughly checked for grammar, tenses and whatever English rules they have before 9am, ok? Joan, are you asleep? Joan, I'm upset, my girlfriend was such a whore, and she broke up with me. Joan, do this! Joan, do that!

JOAN, LIVE MY LIFE!

Enough! I'm really glad that you're back with that pathetic girlfriend of yours again and I hereby send my utmost true blessings to the both of you. I thank god you guys made up because there's no one in the whole wide world more compatible than the two of you. Boy, I'm sorry to admit she can be quite a whore. Still, send my warmest regards to her and ask on my behalf if she enjoyed playing this hard-to-get game all these while. If I were her, I'm sure I did.

Unfortunately I'm not. So all these while, I hold onto numerous stakes, on the verge of stabbing them through her heart...

And each time in my imagination, I stab right through it, not missing an inch.

With love at 2:00 AM,
Joan